Click...Click

I was told recently that i should learn to switch off. Learn to not let things affect me too much. Learn to not lose too much sleep over something that can't be resolved anyway. Learn to forget about things temporarily, and come back to it later, when the time is right.

Unfortunately, i can do none of those things.

And in some weird and maybe twisted way, i'm glad. I've always told myself that i would not turn into one of those hard, unaffected people. Those people that go though life with an on/off switch. When it's time to sleep, "off", weekend "off", come Monday, "on" again.

It doesn't work that way for me.

When i was working in a clinic for young adults with eating disorders, i used to come home every night after work in tears. It was disturbing me emotionally and mentally. It was also so frustrating when they don't see that what you're doing is actually saving their lives. Especially when they have so much to live for and so many years ahead of them. It was the best job i've had...ever. To this day, i have never in my life found anything so fulfilling and meaningful.

I told myself a long time ago that if ever i got to the stage where i'm unaffected or desensitize to it all, then it's time to stop and take stock. It's time to reevaluate everything and go back to the person that i was.

To be honest, i don't care if i'm unable to switch off. I don't care if things affect me too much. At least they do. And that makes me human. A person with compassion.

At least i can look back and safely say that i felt them all. I cried too much and probably laughed too much. But at least i felt them all.

My Underworld...World..

Being the late bloomer that i am, when everyone in this entire universe was entranced and obsessed with Twilight and the exciting idea of a modern day supernatural phenomenon, i was insistent that it was going to be another overrated rubbish. And so, the whole thing did not appeal to me. I couldn't really be bothered much about watching it.

One Sunday months later, i was bored at home and was going through the DVD collection and literally stumbled upon Twilight. With my sis and mum's raves ringing in my ear, i thought "why not?", and to be honest i had nothing else to watch anyway.

Then i became one of the many ravers gracing this world. Seriously.

I loved it! Probably became obsessed about it. I then proceeded to buy the books. 3 of them. And when i couldn't find the 4th one, i asked my boyfriend who was in the UK at the time, to hunt it down for me. Little did i know that the book was so huge and heavy (hardcover) that (in his words), he needed to buy another suitcase just to carry it. An exaggeration i'm sure.

So anyway, 4 books of the Twilight saga later, i'm looking around for something more. Then came the Vampire Diaries series. And this completely took me back to my younger days when i was obsessed with L.J Smith's Vampire Diaries saga. Imagine; it's all actually going to be shown on TV!!

So began my obsession with downloading it every week as soon as the episode airs in the US. And to top that off, i'm reading a saga not on vampires, but immortals. Sigh. I'm starting to wonder if this is a sign that i'm actually regressing in my mental age.

But you know, i think part of the whole obsession with it is that it makes you feel young again. I mean all these...vampires, witches and like things, these are all targeted for teens. And make no mistake, when i was a teen (and into my 20's, there was nothing that i'd love more than suddenly waking up one morning and being told by a fairy godmother that i'm actually a witch).

With our lives so consumed by all things "adult", what's wrong with wanting to go back to when things were so much easier. I prefer that theory than the other that says that actually, i haven't grown up that much mentally....or emotionally. *sigh*