Blah...

...is probably the best word that would describe me right now. I can't seem to muster enough energy or emotion to suit any occasion..

It sometimes feels as if the walls are closing in. To be honest, i don't think my "hassles" are any bigger than the next person, i think i'm just shit at dealing with it.

But anyway, as i've mentioned not long ago, i'm convinced i'm going through a mid-life crisis. And i'm sure there's a reason some people go through it so much earlier in life...

Why is it that mid-life is assumed to be at your 50's?

So...i'm off to Thailand tomorrow yeay!!! Can't wait to bask in the sun with the surrounding sound of waves crashing.

Hopefully that'll get me out of where i am now.

Later peeps :)

Secrets and Lies

I'm still wondering whether i like walking around without a veil over my eyes. Is it better to see without them? Don't we all just love that idealistic-naive-rose-tinted world that we live in?

What does it mean to be jaded, cynical or just plain tired?

How does it feel to learn that you are unable to forgive, unable to forget?

Why is it that even with all this, i find within myself a sense of relief?

Whatevers...

I feel most myself and contented when i'm either:

- happy, chatty, talk too much
- seemingly lost in my reverie, when in actual fact i'm not thinking, not contemplating, not judging...

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A wise Buddhist monk once told the story of a mother and her teenage daughter who came to seek advice from him. The teenager was suffering from anorexia and no amount of cajoling, threat, therapy or drugs seemed to help.

The monk decided to try regression hypnosis on the daughter. The Buddhists believe that your suffering in this life may stem from something unresolved or perhaps by some misdeed that you committed in a past life. The concept of karma is at the heart of Buddhism.

During the regression hypnosis the daughter told the story of how, once upon a time, she was the ugly younger sister of a family with two female siblings. One day the siblings fell in love with the same man.

The man chose to be with the older sister which led to the younger girl's utter heart break, and ultimately to taking her own life.

The mother, who's been listening this started crying. When she was asked why by the monk she said that there was something which she never told anyone...she was too ashamed to.

She then told of how she once had a younger sister, and one day they both fell in love with the same man. He is the husband she was with today, but she lost her younger sister when she took her own life.

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Prologue

"Before we get too caught up preparing to welcome the new year with much fanfare, it would do every one of us good to pause albeit briefly for some vital self-reflection."

Welcome 2008

So here we are again, with the new year just around the corner...literally. And as usual, i always blog about it. What lessons have we learned, what we could do better, what not to do so much of, or at all, bla bla bla..

So what does the new year mean for you?

I think a new year always signifies new beginnings..whatever that may be. It's not the whole numerical calender thingy, but more of a symbolic sort of thing.

Since it's the NEW year, might as well have NEW beginnings right? When else would you have the excuse to justify your sudden need to stop smoking for example, or to be nicer, or whatever.

But anyway, i'm not gonna talk much about it. I think whatever resolutions you have is yours to keep anyway. Whatever you want the new year to bring for you, it's up to you to make that happen.

Let's just have fun welcoming the new year and let's hope that it's a great one :)

Nightmare on ** Street

There i was sleeping soundly and comfortably, only to have it interrupted by a freaky nightmare. Ok, let me see if i can put it in words articulately..

I was where i am and in the dream, i could hear the sound of rushing water from my bathroom. It sounded like someone was filling a pail of water up and then proceeded to pour it on the floor.

I then got a little freaked out (i'm still dreaming here) and got up and knocked on my sis' door. When she opened it, i asked if i could sleep in the room cause i could hear...."the water??" she finished my sentence sympathetically. I said yes and she said sure, i could sleep in her room.

So i got into her bed and she got up and said that she had to do her wash for the morning prayers so i said ok. As i was lying there just about to fall asleep, someone appeared in front of me and held me down!!

I tried to scream for my sis but could only groan pathetically. The freaky thing is, i then saw my sis come out of her bathroom and she was standing behind this lady, just observing this whole spectacle.

I was struggling hard to get out of her grip, still trying to scream and basically woke myself up screaming...

And found myself in my own bed.

So it's fair to say that i had a shit night sleep and still feel a little sleepy now...*sigh*...

Men Don't Live Here Anymore

I was out last night at my usual club spot doing the usual do. At one point in the night, we noticed a girl whom no one knows hanging around the usual area. This girl then progresses to throw herself at DM. And when i say she was throwing herself, i mean throwing herself at him...at fully as she can.

It's fair to say that DM's line of work is bound to attract many many admirers for many reasons. It is up to the guy as to how far he wants to take it right?

So anyway, towards the end of the night, things were looking very cosy between the two. Which is all fine and dandy if he was single. Problem was of course, he's not.

So there we were, the few of us, observing from afar...i think for some of us there was a feeling of almost disbelief mixed with amazement together with the self-satisfaction that the observed were proving old theories correct.

Suddenly a friend of mine said to me.."the saddest thing is that eventhough everyone knows her girlfriend, no one will tell her about it". To be honest, that stopped me in my tracks a little bit. How true. That happened to me.

Someone told me last night that men are never to be trusted, no matter who they are. Men will always be men and they will always be weak. Sometimes you just have to turn a blind eye. What you do is make sure they love you, and put a hundred percent effort into your relationship. What he does outside of that, sometimes you just have no control over.

But can we live like that? Can we really, because we can't get what we really want, settle for second best?

With cynicism like that (sometimes with completely valid reasons), how can we all strive for that fairytale ending??