Sports Edition

I did something which i've never thought i'd ever in my life resort to. Not just that, i probably made it a point to argue the non-merits of being interested in something which i looked at as pointless and therefore was not worth my time.

I woke up one morning and the first thing i did was check the football scores.

Yes dear reader(s), i've succumbed. I have allowed myself to get sucked into a life where it is perfectly acceptable to sit in front of a (preferably) large TV screen and watching (a favourite) team of men run around a huge field kicking what seems to be an insignificant ball.

"Seriously?" i hear you ask. Yes seriously. For some strange and inexplicable reason i have been lured into one of life's deadly sin.

Let me try and justify myself here. Imagine this: It's almost midnight on a weekday and with the knowledge that i have to get up early the next morning for work, we went to bed. Also with the knowledge that the kick-off for the big game (which applies to all games played by the favourite team by the way) is at 11pm. No matter, that's what TVs in bedrooms are for.

Game starts and after about 15 mins i could feel myself nodding off and so said my goodnight to Mr S. You know that point where you could just feel yourself drifting off, which is quite possibly the best part of sleep as you're pretty much unconscious otherwise? I was just there when a girlie scream of excitement forced its way out of Mr S' lungs. I think i even felt the jumping up and down (while sitting up in bed) bit.

I kid you not.

That happened twice before Mr S realised that he's probably keeping me awake (you think?).

My justification is this; living with that (not necessarily the watching in bed bit), but the whole anticipation, psyching oneself up, the almost child-like joyous excitement before a game and after one is won, is extremely contagious. You can't help but get pulled into it as well. Before long you realise that you know the players' names and because of that, there's almost a sense of loyalty and support for them.

So yes, although i used to abhor football, i can actually watch it now. To make matters worse, i actually hope they win the game. All this is done silently of course. Imagine the glee that would generate if i admitted out loud that my perspective on football is now not on the same plane as normal people out there.

So to all female football fans out there, i understand you now. And no longer think that you're freaks...or lame.

Lifting Away...

Went to my dad's office today to clear out the crap which i have not made the effort to sort out since i came back from Australia. I sometimes think part of the reason for that is so that i don't have to see the very physical reminder of THAT chapter.

Anyway, i think 3 years with a very happy relationship underway later, enough time had passed. To be fair, it wasn't as difficult as i've always thought it would be. Then again, maybe all that time helped.

So i went there, looked at everything, and cleared them out. I pretty much threw all the clothes away (or rather, gave my dad permission to give them away), and took what i wanted. Which was primarily my stuff and whatever that i thought i would use.

Along with those i also kept the numerous photos and cards received for almost all special or non-special occasions.

I've come to realise that eventhough the whole thing may not have ended in the most ideal way, they are still memories. Memories that no matter how bitter or sad, i'll one day cherish. Be it for the happiness that it brought me, for the lesson, or even for its insight into how i've grown and changed over the years.

Surprisingly, i can look back now and smile. Smile at the foolishness of being young and clueless. And smile at all the plans and ambition for the future when in reality, we have no idea what the future holds...and still don't.

So yes, time heals. And for that i'm happy.

Quickie yeay!!

Just a quickie as i am rushing to leave work. But blogger is accessible from the office YEAYYYYY!!! I'll be blogging more if this continues :)

Rage of Wars..

I know blogging is not the "write all be all" kind of thing but seeing that i have not blogged since February, the past few weeks the longing has been too much to bear. Not that i'm on any hiatus or the hermit living path but not having as easily of an access as i usually do does make things a little complex.

I love it though, the release through penning of thoughts.

The trouble i have now is trying to figure out where to start.

Maybe i'll start with the fire incident? And the amount of stress that came with it?

Or maybe the shitty recent week where i've just experienced the worst PMS in the history of Marina-World. I guess that was coupled with the other shitty thing that happened.

Maybe i should start with that instead.

When something you never thought will end actually does, how do you find it in yourself to cope with it? I've recently realised how much a tug-of-war of the mind can create havoc on the heart. How do you learn the balance between being rational about something and being overwhelmed by the emotions it ignites?

When your whole world changes, do you learn to change with it?

I was told that i had too much of a tendency to take on too much upon myself. That's ok if they were all mine to take anyway. But what if they aren't?

Again, how do i learn to balance? I've always thought that that would come with practice. You do it enough times and you learn which side lies where.

I was wrong.

Everything you experience in your life is different. Not one issue or dilemma is the same. They may have similarities but if you really look into them, the difference is astounding.

So maybe that's the better lesson.

* i know this post is hanging but i can't seem to break the mental penning barrier right now..*

My Love Post

It was Thursday night, and the toss up was between a violent, graphic blood-splattered movie, or a romance which promises to be so wet it'd probably drive you to suicide if you were single, or kill your partner in his sleep if he wasn't half as romantic as the hero in the movie.

Seeing that we were both feeling a little under the weather, the latter won. We were not in the best state to watch people killing other people and risk losing sleep and whatever little health we had left.

So anyway, true enough...this movie had it all; the corny longing looks, the lame one-liner pickups, the unattainable possibility of finding love in the space of 2 days...

It almost put us to sleep.

So, we watched it half-way as we were both understandably falling bored (i mean asleep!) and by some sheer willpower, decided to watch the rest the following night. (I think the justification was that we'll always wonder what happened in the end. Although i seriously doubt that)

Then something amazing happened...he died!! Yup...a love story which is so unbelievably bad, and the main character died. And in my opinion, this is when the movie redeemed itself in my eyes.

Suddenly the main actress could actually act and there was some substance to the movie.

So this whole episode got me thinking....is this what gets us going nowadays? Is this how we see the world? Or is this just plain reality and unfortunately, we're old enough to see it?

Someone asked me once why i liked GA so much. "It's a series about a bunch of doctors in a hospital", he says. "It's nothing but death and dying".

"But that's why it's so great", i responded. "It's based on the real-world and not all Hollywood rosy crap and happily-ever-after endings".

But now i'm asking myself; why is it that we make the choice to escape the real world by reading, or watching movies/TV or whatever, when really, the world that we escape to is pretty much the world we live in anyway?

I mean i couldn't bear to read any of those Mills & Boons crap...it's like watching that crappy, wet movie (or so i thought!) we decided on that Thursday night.

And yet we say we want to escape to that nice world where everything is better than where we are now....


Disclaimer: Apologies to Mills & Boons and the movie i've been dissing in this entry.

Happy New Life...

One thing i seem to be in the habit of doing is blog about the new year; the resolutions, the lesson learned, the goods, the bads, and the uglies of the past year..

So i guess some things never change. The only difference is this year i'm a little late.

I have to say though, this year i actually have a resolution. As opposed to my usual defiant my-resolution-is-not-to-have-one paradox, i have decided that this year, i will have one.

Like those nice, feel good dreams that you quietly hoard like sweets under your pillow, i won't say what mine is until it's achieved. Like all resolutions (which really translates to a pact you make with yourself i.e. to stop smoking) you need to keep it to yourself in case you trip and fall flat on your face. Then the failure is yours to keep haha.

Ultimately it doesn't really matter of course. You don't have to wait for the new year in order to quit smoking, or to be fit. But it's nice to have a fresh start with that fresh calender on your wall or desk...

And you can't wait to smile gleefully to yourself when or if you've managed to achieve what you've set out at the beginning of the year to do...

***

Hard Lessons...

Read N's blog today about our friend...reminded me of something.

Last week, as hard as i tried, i was unable to find any meaning, lesson, or even a reason behind the tragedy. All i could comprehend were disbelief, sadness, and utter denial.

All around me people were saying how this incomprehensible event teaches us about the value of life, the reality of our own mortality.

And all i could do was stare at them, thinking that one of these valuable lessons should start dawning or materializing itself in my already too clouded and addled brain.

But none of it did.

So yes, my grief is simple. One could say it's almost textbook.

But recently, there's been an insistent voice trying to tell me something. I can't quite put my finger on it yet. It's like I'm feeling my way in the dark, hands grasping for a right hold at the edge of my consciousness.

Maybe she's finished all that she was put here to accomplish. Maybe she's taught those she was supposed to, learned all she was supposed to.

But it's still sometimes so hard to believe that someone so good could be taken away so quickly...

So yes, like N said, we'll keep forever all the good memories we've shared with her. And we'll continue missing her.

And we'll continue to learn from her.