Exes Blues...

There i was, having lunch with my dude when lo' and behold, in walks his EX!!!! OMG!! Talk about stunned into speechlessness!!!

Obviously we've talked about it and knew this day would come, but on Saturday lunch time after you've had a big night and want nothing more than some good ole' caffeine and food to soak up the copious amounts of alcohol you had the night before?? What is the world coming to, i say??

Anyway, if you're talking about awkward situations, this probably tops it all. Look up "awkward" in the Oxford or Cambridge (or even Collins) dictionary and you'll have this situation described... *sigh*....

But anyway, he went to talk to her but i didn't. Maybe i should've but i didn't see the point. What do i say to her? "Hi, how are you? Just having lunch with your ex??...Where's my money??" (yeah she asked to borrow some money with no intention of paying it back...but what the hell..).

I guess although we have thought and talked about it loads, nothing actually compares to it actually happening. And for me, it reminded me of how difficult things can and probably will be. I have to admit that to a certain extent i've sort of left it at the back of mind and probaby even half fooled myself that it's ok and we've gone past all that without actually having to go through it..know what i mean?

After all the difficulty with my ex, i was hoping we didn't have to deal with his as well...damn it. It's just soooo complicated!!

And to be honest, i'm a little bored and tired of the whole thing...i just want everything to be normal, have a normal relationship without having to look over my shoulder or walk on egg shells all the time...

Anyway, just having a moan, i'm off now to pick Chicky Cooper up (baby i've missed you!!!) and to the Curve to meet some friends for some good ole' bitching session!!!

Too Beautiful Not To Share...

This email was forwarded by a friend of mine...

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

***********************************************************************************

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

***********************************************************************************

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

************************************************************************************

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Damn it...damn it....DAMMIT!!!

People, guess what i found out at the weekend??????????

My ex may have been cheating on me!!!! DAMMIT!!!!!!!

Let me be clear here. I am probably the last person who should be angry about the fact that he (may have) cheated. But the thing that really gets to me? Is the fact that it was done while we were living together!!!

You know what this means? This means that there i was at the time, completely oblivious, thinking everything's hunky-dory (of course we had our ups and downs but which couple doesn't??) and he was cheating???

Ughh...i hate being made to look like fool...i really do...

Like i said earlier, i have not been an angel either but...well...i have my own justification (which i can't reveal here) but trust me...they are justified!

And here i was feeling all guilty about things and trying my best to minimize hurt wherever i can, most of the time at MY expense and then i find out about this!!

And come to think of it, in my last blog i said that he's now seeing someone? I was thinking about it over the weekend and unless he's miraculously established a proper relationship in a week, he's been cheating on me anyway whilst away!

Again, not my place to be all judgemental and self-righteous about it but what the hell was the whole i-desperately-want-to-get-back-together all about??? And to think of all the tears i shed for thinking i was the cause of so much hurt...

Again i say..damn it...damn it...DAMMIT!!!...

Hahaha the irony of it all i tell you...leaves me wondering where the hell was i when the world decided to change the way it works..

But you know what? I'm actually ok...like i said, i just hate looking like a complete idiot..that little fact does gnaw at me a bit if i let it...but hey...what the hell right?

I was told at the weekend to let it go as it's all in the past now and i agree whole-heartedly. Past is past...i have bigger and better things for the future. We let go of the past and the future opens bright..(or something like that anyway haha).

Closure...

I found out today my ex is in another country....In a great job and possibly seeing someone!!

Why did i think it necessary to blog this? Because in a lot of ways it's very significant to me. How do i feel about it?

Well...a mixture of feelings really. You know that feeling..the day comes when your ex is actually over you...I think it's never a nice thing. Regardless of your current circumstances. I think if you think about it, deep down it's also a blow to the ego. But the ego is something i can handle.

If i'm honest, i feel happy for him. I mean of course, i am also filled with sadness to a cetain degree, and i feel a little wistful...But i think that's normal at the end of a 5-year relationship.

But this was the lid i needed. I can now close this chapter of my life. I believe that everyone is in your life for a reason and for my ex, he was there during my healing process. During the time when i was learning to live again, learning to forgive, and figuring out what the world has to offer after so many years in darkness. And he was there to show me the way.

And i hope that in some ways, i helped him too.

And so my journey continues. But this is what life is all about right? The stumbling blocks that life put there for you to get over is so that you pick yourself up, and start again. This is how we learn.

Time heals everything as they say. And although i am a little sad, i feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I'm seeing someone now (sorta!!) and i really want to see how it goes. It's not easy...anything worth something never is...but i want to see it through..and see where it takes us. I'm more than a little scared and to be honest, a little disillusioned after my last relationship but if you don't put your heart on the line then nothing goes, really.

And here it begins...

A Little Something...

This post actually started on Thursday night and continued on Friday morning...hence the different coloured text.

Finally!!! I have some me time which i don't seem to have much of nowadays (Naz, i got the "me time" thingy from you and i oh-so-love-it!!).

It's about 7 pm now and i think i'm just about done with work. Well...done for the day that is. I don't think there's ever a time when you'll finish work...our famous phrase is "never-ending" (girls...you so know what i mean..this is our gas chamber conversation!!).

But then again if you think about it, if you've got no work then you're pretty much redundant right? Oh well...i'll not dwell too much because everytime i start blogging i digress so much that i completely miss my point.

So i actually have the time (and the energy) to blog for the first time in ages. I think the last time was after the Mount Ledang trip. And mannnn...how all the sh*t that happened after that completely took away all the warm fuzzy feeling that you get after doing something exciting. But i won't go into that now either because i will so go on and on about it.

I'm looking forward to my trip to the UK in September. The best thing for me is that i get to see my friend (in the true sense) Charly, who was there for me the whole time i was there. She was with me through the craziest party times in the history of mankind, when i was working in the bar, and everything in between.

And obviously, i was there too when she was going through phases in her life. And now she's getting married. When she told me, my first reaction was joy. Then came the excitement cause i know i just wouldn't miss it for the world and that was the first thing i told her.

See, i digress. The next best thing for me is a BREAK!! A much needed one at that. I need to be someplace else for a while. So that i can come back hopefully refreshed and very much rejuvenated.

After 2 years (YESTERDAY!!) of working here, i'm beginning to learn so much about the working culture, the culture of the people, the corporate world and in a way, i'm also beginning to learn about the way i work and where i fit into everything. I don't have an answer (or even a rational explanation) about that yet, but at least it's not just an inkling..i have a sort of vague image in my head now.

Again i digress. So yeah, i am so looking forward to my trip although i was told yesterday that all ladies have to wear hats for the wedding.. a HAT!! I'm got an image of old English Ladies wearing ones made of straw with like a bunch of flowers pinned to it...oh and wearing lacy dresses...and clogs...and (heaven forbid) a corsage looking thing.

So yeah whatever, I'm now on the day after, thinking how the hell do i get my mind in the same frame as it was yesterday? Totally impossible obviously. Oh well...i think you guys get my drift yesterday anyway. To sum it up, yes, I am sooooo looking forward to my break.

Ok peeps, it's now Friday morning and i have a meeting at 9am (in about 40 mins) to about 5 (yeay...NOT). And it's gonna be on the review of OD's module (Level 2). I swear, OD's like the driest subject in history. It's good to know and all, but i think the concepts are a little difficult to grasp.

But then it's Friday so i guess it's ok. My vision for this weekend is to get as much zzzzz's as possible. And i'll be watching Spiderman 3 yeay...which so reminds me...i need to get the tickets online NOW!!

Have a great Friday people, and a fantastic weekend! :)

Dilemma of Disenchantments...

Been feeling a little tired lately..not talking about physical tiredness (although that's happening a bit too) but inside i'm tired. I feel a little restless, a little...discontented, perhaps is a better word.

I think a stock take is in order. I think i need to re-evaluate my work situation. Been thinking a lot about going back to care-work. Only problem is, that type of work in this country means struggling to make ends meet...especially for someone who lacks experience or whatever experience culminated was years ago...

*sigh*...working in a big corporation has its perks obviously...and the mad rush to the top usually fills us with enough adrenaline to make an elephant dance. But sometimes, it's hard to see what it's all about...

It's hard to see the point of it all...some say it's the sense of achievement, that satisfaction you get from a job well-done, knowing that you've earned that credit, that respect, from all the sweat and sacrifices that you've had to make.

And although i do have that to gain, i don't have that sense of fulfilment....the sense of satisfaction i get from solving an issue, or completing a difficult task, does not fill me with contentment...

So maybe i do need to take a long hard look. Or maybe all i'm experiencing is prolonged blues...

Mount Ledang

On the 1st and 2nd May, a group of us decided that we had nothing better to do with our days off than climb the 6th most difficult terrained mountain in the country. Sigh...i guess we should've known better... The day itself, started out UNlike any other NORMAL day. We all left the house at 5am in order to make it to Tangkak for breakfast.

We got to the starting point about 9ish and was given a rough guide as to what the hike was about as well as safety tips. We were then given the impossible task of recording every single item that we've packed! (what the...??). Anyway, after all was set and done, we started the hike. Please note that everyone was all smiles when this photo was taken.



The first challenge we encountered was a flight of stairs that literally beat Batu Caves' hands down (i kid you not). With about 5-10 kilos of extra burden on our shoulders, this was no easy feat.



But anyway, i won't go through the whole hike as this would be soooo boring. The hike to the campsite took us about 3 hours and although the terrain wasn't remarkably difficult, we were all a little tired and more than a little sweaty by the time we got there.

A little lunch and an hour and a half or so later, we were off again...this time to the summit and much to everyone's relief, without the big hiking bags. Instead we were told to only bring necessities ie food, water, etc.

The hike to the summit was easily the most challenging thing i've ever done. You are tested to the limits of both your physical and mental endurance. Going through steep climbs, caves, dodgy ladders (have i ever mentioned that i am extremely scared of ladders?? I can jump out of planes, go on a bungee rocket, would loooove to do a bungee jump, no worries, but give me a ladder???...that freaks me out). But anyway, there were also huge rock formations that we had to climb using ropes, which called for courage and strength that you thought you had none of anymore.


(summit photos)

Oh and another thing, i had my first camping experience! I have to admit though, camping is so not as great as the hype that it gets. I think most of us (the girls of course) are scarred for life from the condition of the "toilet" and basically found more peace of mind by peeing in some out-of-the-way bush, even with the looming threat of leeches and whatever other creepy crawlies out there.

4 hours sleep later (for some it's even less!) and a few leaking tents later, we were off again for the hike down. Ooh...AND i saw a leech for the first time in my life! They're kinda like this obscure slimy little thing that looks like a snake under a very powerful shrinking lens.

3 hours later and i have never been so glad to reach civilization (in this case it was the smoking area of the resort) in my life.

To be honest, even with all the challenges that we had to face, and the amount of hiking that actually went in it - we started at about 9.30 am, got to base camp at 1pm, left for the summit at 3pm and got back to base camp at 3am! - about 15 hours in total, it was a totally unforgettable experience.

We had an excellent bunch of people and like it always is, when you put a bunch of people together in a difficult situation with the same goal, they tend to bond with a common tie and that was what happened. I was inundated with calls and text messages from friends up to 3-days later asking me about my back from my fall (another story which we won't go into right now), which i tremendously appreciate :).

We all went home with the worst possible muscle strains on our calves, thighs, knees, ankles, arms and shoulders, but also with a sense of achievement. Yes, we all should be proud of ourselves. Despite all the injuries sustained, the sheer exhaustion and the general feeling that you just can't go on anymore everyone did....kudos to all :)

Those who generally have trouble learning from their mistakes are now in the midst of planning a hike up Mount Kinabalu in November :)

So let it all begin...again... :)