Dreams on a Saturday Morning

It's 9.10 am on a Saturday and can't believe i'm awake! More importantly, i'm awake and BLOGGING...YAWWWNNNNN!!!!!

What the hell is happening with this world??

Can't sleep to be honest. Been awake since 8am. Didn't sleep till 3...so 5 hours of sleep on a weekend and i'm rearing to go yeay...NOT!!!

Too much on my mind and too restless to sleep. Even had a shitty sleep. Kept waking up and had really funny dreams which i'll pen down now while they're still semi-fresh in my mind.

1) We were living in a house (as opposed to an apartment) and i was outside. I left the door open by accident and Saha came running out. And it was an absolute nightmare cause even in my dream Saha has never been let out.

So he went running across the porch and out through the gate, into the main road. I was trying to run after him but find that my body simply could not run. I had absolutely no energy and could only watch helplessly as he ran away from me, knowing that i'll never see him again and how much this would so devastate my mum.

2) I left my camera (my baby!) on the couch (again, we were in the same house and for some reason i have a feeling this was the house we lived in years ago, in Taman Tun) and i came downstairs to get it, only to find that the back was open!

Let me try to explain this cause this is one of those weird ones.

The back of my camera was like a cover (imagine a phone cover) and someone had sat on it or something and it came off. It was all exposed and i could see the film (but my camera's digital!!) and whatever else was inside the camera.

I started crying cause i knew my camera was fucked and complained to my mum. Then i tried putting it back on and realized that i was doing it the wrong way round. But anyway, got it done in the end...

SO yeah, there you go. Not very interesting dreams (certainly weird!) but thought i'd write them down for whatever reason.

We all know that dreams are extensions of our subconscious (you don't have to be a psyco-whatever to know that!) and i wonder what mine say about thoughts that i may not want to intentionally acknowledge.

Hmmmmm.......

The Real Story..

Hi peeps, off from work today, on sick leave.

I was warned this morning not to go out and meet up with friends for coffee or something since i'm supposed to be ill..

D'oh...for a start, that's sooo not the reason i took the sick leave today. I took leave because i am actually feeling unwell. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. I took leave because at the moment, work is not important to me....for today anyway. I took leave because i need and want this time to myself to think about what's going on.

My head's so full of thoughts that i sometimes find it difficult to breathe from trying to figure out what to do all at once.

Everyone's tired and everyone's stressed. And everyone has their own way of dealing with their issues.

I don't really talk about mine. Although i was told by my doctor i have to learn to start talking about them or find a better way of dealing with them as my body does not seem to be handling stress very well.

I could've very well go to work today and be all distracted that i don't think about anything but work. But for the past couple of weeks i've found that my emotions are so close to the surface that i cry for no reason at all.

So that's why i need this day off today. For today, i don't want work to be important as it's always is every day of the week. For today i don't want to be like everyone else and be so consumed by work.

So i stay home and blog. I don't talk about my issues but perhaps blogging will help with those brown bottles i keep stuffing into the already overfilled cupboard.

I think everyone's got shit of their own and ultimately it's up to you to deal with yours. Your life is yours to live right? And in this day and age, who has time for anyone else anymore?

International Fireworks Competition

Went to watch the International Fireworks Competition at Putrajaya last weekend and it was awesome!! I find it so satisfying to do different things sometimes and not just curtail my weekend habits to just partying (although to be honest, i did go out straight after :)).





































The 4 lame-o friends!!
I'm not sure if it's because i'm getting old or perhaps my old routine is getting a little...well...old and routined i guess.

I find that i need more elements in my life...more things, more experience. Or maybe it's my day-to-day 9-5 that's giving me this fever. But whatever it is, i'm having fun doing it so i can't complain.

So anyway, went to this fireworks thingy with my lame-o friends. It was actually a little too
short and i think in some ways we felt a little shortchanged to be fair but hey...it was great!













I still find childish delights in seeing the night sky lit up with brilliant displays of colour and grandeur. So if you're thinking of going, go...bring your kids/nieces/nephews whoever...they'll absolutely love it!!

..........

Faced with your own mortality, what do you do??

When Enough Is....??

My sister is now working with my mum, and my stepdad (who's actually supposed to be working as well), now goes for golf whenever he gets invited and sometimes goes for that meeting where he is required.

According to him, he is taking an "early half-retirement". I have no idea that phrase existed but to be fair, it sounds bloody excellent. My mum wants to retire in 2 or 3 years and if posible, she wants my sister and i to run the company for her.

She commented however that i would probably not want to do that because apparently, once you get used to the big corporate life, you can never leave.

Is she right? Is it possible to be stuck in the rat-race and paradoxically, not ever wanting to leave?

Everyone around me is working like a madman. I wonder if the pressure we're succumbing to is making us forget that there are other things we should focus on as well. But how could we possibly focus on anything else when work takes up about 80% of our time and sleep (or the attempts to) take up the other 20%?

What about our friends, family, partners? Have they by default been put in the back-burner?

When my mum told me about her retirement plan, the first thought that came to my mind is that i'll do it in a couple of years. When she told me about the trap corporate put on us, there was this tiny part of me which thought that maybe there was some truth in that.

But was almost immediately replaced by the (relieved) knowledge that i would do anything for my mum...

I think there's nothing worse that thinking you're stuck in a trap and not being able to get out. We are lucky enough in that we have choices. Not only that, we have the opportunity to actually realise those choices should we wish to. All we need is a little courage...

Anyway, found a couple of excellent pictures on the net which i think can depict a person's world if they let it...

1) - letting everything pass you by..

2) - the utter frustration we feel sometimes that we just want to tear our hairs out (sorry, it is a little freaky :))

Holy Matrimony...

So anyway, went to this beautiful wedding (as per post below) and it amazes me that no matter how many weddings i go to, it never fails to make me think about how things are or can be..

You know how people tend to get emotional at weddings? Especially if it involves someone you know? In a way you kind of envy their happiness...their absolute certainty about wanting to spend the rest of their lives with that one person.

It makes me wonder..when you decide to get married to someone, how much about you actually changes? How much of your perspective changes? None at all? Or all of it???

I used to believe that marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper and a ring on your finger. A lifetime of witnessing marriages fall apart sort of reinforced that belief as i grew older.

I do believe that marriage does not (or should not) change how you feel about each other, or your level of commitment to one another. I spoke to a friend not long ago and he told me the difference with being married and not is that it's harder to split up. There's more red-tape and technically you can't just walk away.

Can the beauty of marriages prevail over the doom of the cynics?........

As i grow even older (with my approaching 3-0), i'm starting to see the romance in getting married. People always look so happy at weddings, and i don't mean just the couple. I think the beauty of the day just sort of emanates all round...and the feeling is just so catching...

I think perhaps ultimately there's almost nothing more joyful than seeing two people vowing to love each other for the rest of their days...it just brings out the idealist in you...

The Happy Couple..

The Happy Couple..,
originally uploaded by j_marina.

We went to their wedding registration last Sunday on the 30th. It was a beautiful setting, at the poolside of a very nice hotel just on the outskirts of town.

Congratulations to the deserving couple and may your marriage be blessed with everything you'll ever want :)