Click...Click

I was told recently that i should learn to switch off. Learn to not let things affect me too much. Learn to not lose too much sleep over something that can't be resolved anyway. Learn to forget about things temporarily, and come back to it later, when the time is right.

Unfortunately, i can do none of those things.

And in some weird and maybe twisted way, i'm glad. I've always told myself that i would not turn into one of those hard, unaffected people. Those people that go though life with an on/off switch. When it's time to sleep, "off", weekend "off", come Monday, "on" again.

It doesn't work that way for me.

When i was working in a clinic for young adults with eating disorders, i used to come home every night after work in tears. It was disturbing me emotionally and mentally. It was also so frustrating when they don't see that what you're doing is actually saving their lives. Especially when they have so much to live for and so many years ahead of them. It was the best job i've had...ever. To this day, i have never in my life found anything so fulfilling and meaningful.

I told myself a long time ago that if ever i got to the stage where i'm unaffected or desensitize to it all, then it's time to stop and take stock. It's time to reevaluate everything and go back to the person that i was.

To be honest, i don't care if i'm unable to switch off. I don't care if things affect me too much. At least they do. And that makes me human. A person with compassion.

At least i can look back and safely say that i felt them all. I cried too much and probably laughed too much. But at least i felt them all.